DAD'S NEW RULES UNDER BUHARI'S ADMINISTRATION

INTERNAL HOME MEMO 

FROM:           FATHER

TO:               ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES

CC:               MOTHER

DATE:           May 16, 2016

SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION

Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations

Have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going

To be accepted.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry

And/or passage shall require express permission from myself

Upon submission of written request.

2.  Breakfast is banned.  This matter cannot be discussed!

3.  Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are

Restricted.  Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to

Me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by

a qualified dietician report as supportive documentation.

4. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 liters of water per day per

person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical

reasons.

5. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect.  All

dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make

available shortly.

6.  No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to

offer food, drinks or even music.  Those who want their guests to listen

to music shall sing for them.

7. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court

Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from

The House.

8. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The

House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment

somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

9.  All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall

apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from

their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing

reasons why they can't stay at their homes.  Failure to do this shall result

in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

Signed: 

DAD

Chairman of Home Affairs 

Hot regards😂😂😆